Saturday, October 4, 2008

Swishh...

No.. it cannot be a team meeting coz I was not sleeping.. and also other than my ML, the 3 PLs , thePMO, the PM and of course me.. there was nobody else. I dont remember when the meeting started.. but I knew I was in big trouble. The PLs were shouting at me, Because I accessed a database which was never created in the first place(weird isn't it?).. My module lead spoke in a language I really could not understand, may be she was not loud enough.. duh!..I dint want to hear it anyways!. Were they goin to fire me?.I was only waiting for their word.. It was suddenly raining inside the building .. Cant be!! . Im not getting wet!!. And suddenly the place was getting dark. The lights were going out. My PM suddenly started yelling at me loudly. And suddenly.. out of nowhere. My mom screams out my name "Abi! Abi!."Shit!Mom?! I told my mom never to come to my office!!... what is she doing here??!!.. Should I introduce my mom to my prosecutors? Now?! Nah!! And then... it was a just nanosecond! or,... was it even that long?? I was in my room.. on the bed!!.. Phew! It was the first time ever that I was happy to wake up.. I was sweating so badly.. I was scared my heart beat would wake up my brother.. I got up..

I knew it was not a dream I can forget even before i finish brushing my teeth.. I just knew it.. " why do you wake up like u heard a bomb blast?. You should think of good things when u wake up" I heard my mom say.. I opened my mouth to tell "Do you know would have lost my job for that screw up?" but then i just shut up.. mmm... I actually Felt great that i dint screw up that nonexistent database!!.But i knew i was gonna have a bad day at work( I dont need a bad dream to know that i was gonna have a bad day at work.. I am blessed with one anyways).. I was trying not to look upset over the whole episode. I was getting ready. i looked glum and i knew the reason. I was upset over something that din happen at all. I cursed myself. I took my bag.. wore my id and went outside.My dad was waiting to take drop me at the bus stop. He must have been waiting for a long time. But he never complains. Guess dads are always sweet.:)

It is just a 2 minute ride to the bus stop with my dad. But it is the first contact with the morning sun and it is something very special for me. Did i tell you?? I have always had a biiig crush on the sun :) No really.. Sun is my source of inspiration.. It represents everything thats pure.. and everything thats divine.. everything thats ALIVE!!.
Most of the time, I'll be lost in thought about something or the other but sometimes there are things that keep me thinking for the rest of the day. I know. I know. it is only a 2 mins ride early in the morning and nothing can really happen!! (i actually heard u saying that :))

It was one such day.. There is a school just around the corner.. Just the sight of little kids walking to school makes me feel i am ready for the day, i am all set to do anything under the sun :).. But that day it was not all that i felt about it. May be because of the damn dream i had the previous night, i could not help thinking how lovely life was when i was in school.I had a gang of friends,my amma used to pack nice food for lunch,i used to cycle all the way to my school with loads of friends blocking the entire road. Everything was so special about the school.. the prayer song (we play leg punch at that time) and the two mins silence(which was sheer bliss), the ten mins recess, the half an hour lunch break, the sound of the 3 'o clock bell,frequent punishments,sports day parades,a month long vacation!!... "Abi.. Get down now!! i have no plans of dropping you at your office..." i heard my dad say!! huh? 2 mins over??? i felt like i lived my 14 years of school life all over again!!! felt good :)

I was praying desperately for the office bus to breakdown somewhere.. Clearly i had no mood to go to office that day.. yeah yeah.. the credit goes to that dream!!

That bus stop is kinda close to my heart.. coz it was college bus stop too.. It used to totally different then.. I'll be waiting to get to my college... when you are in college u dont need to really know anyone to start a conversation.. you tend to speak to anyone holding a drafter and a chart holder :). Hmm.. May be Im Imagining, but it is always like this.. wherever I go.. I feel I am surrounded by people of only my age. These days.. I only see office goers with a tupperware and a prominent Id card hanging around their neck,a perennially plugged ear phones which says.. "Stay away from me" Not that i am any different but i am getting so sick of it..

College life was bloody brilliant.. an amazing group of friends. . so many outings..mass bunks.. movies.. late night chats,.. serious arguments.. late night chats.. sleepless nightsproxys.. industrial visits..labs.. profs...inplant training near the best eat outs:).. hawt guys!.. felt like everything was handpicked by God himself.. just for me!. Loads of such memories were coming back to me.It was brilliant.. It was awesome... i felt ecstatic..it was like.. awww cmon!!... Stop it already!!!! Now this is too much and what the hell is wrong with my life now???!!! I get up almost at the same time (time doesnt really matter.. waking up from sleep is horrible enough).. Im in office with my friends.. sometimes really nice things happen.. like we get really yummm biriyani in cafeteria.. nice fruit juices as treat... rarely some appreciations from some people.. a few light moments.. bday bums.. cakes.. sweets.. parties.. funny conference.. unplanned outings.. few get togethers.. This is not so bad, is this?? I dont think so.. Then why am i complaining????

Then I realized complaining was not new to me.. i remembered complaining about college life when i just stepped in school. I was not comfortable.. i hated exams.. i hated monthly assessments...i hated semesters.. i hated anna univ.. i hated result days. i hated the day after that even more( people start comparing marks and that drives me nuts).. I hated labs which i had to repeat. I dint like writing records.. i hated covering them with laminated brown sheets even more!.. I hate drawing lines in observations..double lines are even worse.. I hated
my class counselor because she wont give me attendance when I attended NCC.I wish i had never fought with a few close friends!! I hated last minute discussions. Even in school, I had fought with my chemistry teacher and he screwed up one of my labs.. i hated rank cards.. i hated tuitions.. i hated exams.. i hated dropping out from my dance class for tenth std boards.. i hated holiday home work.. report.. "EveRy single thiNg" used to be a pain then. But now, when i think of it.. i only think of all the fun I had. I recollect all good memories and finally end up believing that i am not all that happy at present. I seem to have suffered then also.. why is it happening?

It all dawned on me.I realize what a big mistake i was making. I had not been enjoying the present. I do enjoy the present.. provided it is fun. I feel depressed at even minute failures and discomforts. I blindly compare the problems of the present with that of the past and wish i had a problem like the one i already experienced and solved. I realized that im ready to solve a problem ONLY when it is already solved because i have a solution ready and i dont have to go into the analysis phase again and waste time on it.. dumb i tell you!!.When you are not ready to face situations, you are not ready to grow up.You dont get the courage to face anything. Even solved problems will try to puzzle you. It is not easy to not stand up against the problems, but thats the least we can try to prepare ourselves for the future.. It is no fun to keep facing the same problem again. I have always felt how I wish I was still in school or college.. i used to think it was fun then.. But that would any day be the worst thing I can ask for!.

I know for sure few years later i will definitely say.. it was soo much fun that i had at work. I had friends.. i had fun.. i had money.. i had it all.. and all that i have now is memories and a silent wish that i could have have enjoyed it a little more!!.

I decided to live more for the present and just be PREPARED for the future!!..

2 comments:

  1. Haha - This is why we don't have access to drop tables (much less databases) in prod. I'd tell you to stop thinking about work when you get home; but we all know it's not that easy.

    Anyways, keep writing for I have this bookmarked. :-)

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  2. haha its not human to be content is it?

    ReplyDelete