Monday, October 27, 2008
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Sunday, October 19, 2008
I managed to catch the bus back home from office last friday. It was the weekend I was waiting for. Two more weeks to deepavali and all the channels managed to run their prime time shows between a dozen commercials :) I had already bought myself a pair a new jeans and a t shirt last week. Mom thought I was done shopping. Giggle.. giggle... I started listing down all that I wanted!.
1) More Clothes
2) Fast track coolers
4) something more
6) yess.. that!.. a little expensive... but okay!... :)
Scrrrreeeeeeeeeeecchhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!! Must have been a cow crossing the road. The bus halted for a few seconds.
Amma!... let us travel by that A/C bus at least once. It costs just 10 bucks. We'll even walk back home. Please!!. A small boy on the road by my window was telling his mother.
I reached for my ipod and drifted away to sleep.
Monday, October 6, 2008
“You were very good on stage” I told her. ”Thank you” she said smiling. It was not that ‘Oh really? Was I really good?’ types thank you. It was more of a ‘Yeah I know that, thanks anyways’ types thank you. I would have considered that rude and boastful had it been somebody else. But I expected it and I liked it.
Chennai, unlike Kolkatta doesn’t don the festive look with the lights and music and dance during Navrathri. But having lived in Chennai for like 22 years I knew where the ‘crowd of the season’ was. If there is a place in Chennai where I hang out most of the time, it is the Mylapore kapaleeshwarar temple. For reasons I don’t know and I can’t understand, I feel at home there. The drive to that place, the shops outside the temple, the little pond right in front of the temple, the very famous karpagambal mess.. mmmm.. brilliant place it is. I mostly would try to visit the place in the mornings .In the evenings, it is a little crowded. It is not just the crowd that im scraed of, it is these kids bullying me when waiting in the queue,the constant crying, nagging and on top of that they even start hitting me!.. brats! urrghhh hate the fact that all I can do is turn back, look at the mommy and smile. For a change, on the third day of navrathri I volunteered myself to get ragged by the kids. I parked my bike among hundred others.
The darshan was over in half an hour. I was strolling around the temple when I saw some bharatnatyam dancers. The make up was overdone but I knew it would look great under the lights. The performance had not started, so I went for another round. It is quite a huge temple but only today did I realize that one end of the temple is totally sound proofed from the other. When I came to that same place in the second round, the performance had already begun and I missed one event(not that i care)
There was huge crowd of music and dance lovers around the stage. The perfect crowd for what I assumed would be a boring performance. The lights were turned on. The flute music was floating in the air and everybody’s eyes were glued to the stage. From where I stood I could only see one girl. She was brilliant.(If you were wondering how the hell I would know about Bharatnatyam, well I was a dancer for 9 years). I stood transfixed. She had perfect abhinayam (that’s expressions in tamil). Her eyes oblivated the need of the carnatic music played. I could see the expressions changing so fast and neat. With the dress well chosen ( there is no dress as appealing as a saree , it beats all the fashionable clothes in the market), few jewels and a four rowed salangai (that’s the dance anklet for you) she looked nothing less than a goddess. Bharatnatyam has that class.Unlike tango or ballet, in Bharatnatyam even the most erotic emotions are expressed with grace.The next was a fusion of Bharatnatyam and folk. The song was too good. The same girl was there in this one too(must be a star dancer or something :) ) . I watched the performance with awe. At the end of it I went up to her.
“You were very good on stage” I told her.”Thank you” she said smiling. It was not that ‘Oh really? Was I really good?’ types thank you. It was more of a ‘Yeah I know that, thanks anyways’ types thank you. I would have considered that rude and boastful had it been somebody else. But I expected it and I liked it.
Dancers have that inherent pride. It is more a respect for oneself, an expression of confidence and is rightly mixed with humility. I did not feel offended by that 'Thank you'. Instead it brought back my memories when I used to enjoy my dance classes.From personal experience i found that dancing improved memory and made one active and even built stamina. My guru was sweet to me for obvious reasons(ahem ahem :) ).When it was the right time to get my Arengtram done( which by the way was delayed for 3 years) , I had already entered tenth std.My dad said this is the only turning point in your life( well.. I heard it again in 12th ,once before councelling, before first sem exam and even last year when I joined TCS.. I don’t blame dad.. what did he know abt the curves and bends in my life!) and you need to concentrate in studies. There ended my dancing career. My guru said she missed me. It cant be more than how much I missed the classes. Today standing there looking at the girl, I felt had I convinced my dad that I could manage both school and dance classes, I would still be standing there appreciating that girl… but without feeling guilty!
When you grow old, people say you repent not doing few things in life. I already have an item in the list.
Saturday, October 4, 2008
I knew it was not a dream I can forget even before i finish brushing my teeth.. I just knew it.. " why do you wake up like u heard a bomb blast?. You should think of good things when u wake up" I heard my mom say.. I opened my mouth to tell "Do you know would have lost my job for that screw up?" but then i just shut up.. mmm... I actually Felt great that i dint screw up that nonexistent database!!.But i knew i was gonna have a bad day at work( I dont need a bad dream to know that i was gonna have a bad day at work.. I am blessed with one anyways).. I was trying not to look upset over the whole episode. I was getting ready. i looked glum and i knew the reason. I was upset over something that din happen at all. I cursed myself. I took my bag.. wore my id and went outside.My dad was waiting to take drop me at the bus stop. He must have been waiting for a long time. But he never complains. Guess dads are always sweet.:)
It is just a 2 minute ride to the bus stop with my dad. But it is the first contact with the morning sun and it is something very special for me. Did i tell you?? I have always had a biiig crush on the sun :) No really.. Sun is my source of inspiration.. It represents everything thats pure.. and everything thats divine.. everything thats ALIVE!!.
Most of the time, I'll be lost in thought about something or the other but sometimes there are things that keep me thinking for the rest of the day. I know. I know. it is only a 2 mins ride early in the morning and nothing can really happen!! (i actually heard u saying that :))
It was one such day.. There is a school just around the corner.. Just the sight of little kids walking to school makes me feel i am ready for the day, i am all set to do anything under the sun :).. But that day it was not all that i felt about it. May be because of the damn dream i had the previous night, i could not help thinking how lovely life was when i was in school.I had a gang of friends,my amma used to pack nice food for lunch,i used to cycle all the way to my school with loads of friends blocking the entire road. Everything was so special about the school.. the prayer song (we play leg punch at that time) and the two mins silence(which was sheer bliss), the ten mins recess, the half an hour lunch break, the sound of the 3 'o clock bell,frequent punishments,sports day parades,a month long vacation!!... "Abi.. Get down now!! i have no plans of dropping you at your office..." i heard my dad say!! huh? 2 mins over??? i felt like i lived my 14 years of school life all over again!!! felt good :)
I was praying desperately for the office bus to breakdown somewhere.. Clearly i had no mood to go to office that day.. yeah yeah.. the credit goes to that dream!!
That bus stop is kinda close to my heart.. coz it was college bus stop too.. It used to totally different then.. I'll be waiting to get to my college... when you are in college u dont need to really know anyone to start a conversation.. you tend to speak to anyone holding a drafter and a chart holder :). Hmm.. May be Im Imagining, but it is always like this.. wherever I go.. I feel I am surrounded by people of only my age. These days.. I only see office goers with a tupperware and a prominent Id card hanging around their neck,a perennially plugged ear phones which says.. "Stay away from me" Not that i am any different but i am getting so sick of it..
College life was bloody brilliant.. an amazing group of friends. . so many outings..mass bunks.. movies.. late night chats,.. serious arguments.. late night chats.. sleepless nights…proxys.. industrial visits..labs.. profs...inplant training near the best eat outs:).. hawt guys!.. felt like everything was handpicked by God himself.. just for me!. Loads of such memories were coming back to me.It was brilliant.. It was awesome... i felt ecstatic..it was like.. awww cmon!!... Stop it already!!!! Now this is too much and what the hell is wrong with my life now???!!! I get up almost at the same time (time doesnt really matter.. waking up from sleep is horrible enough).. Im in office with my friends.. sometimes really nice things happen.. like we get really yummm biriyani in cafeteria.. nice fruit juices as treat... rarely some appreciations from some people.. a few light moments.. bday bums.. cakes.. sweets.. parties.. funny conference.. unplanned outings.. few get togethers.. This is not so bad, is this?? I dont think so.. Then why am i complaining????
Then I realized complaining was not new to me.. i remembered complaining about college life when i just stepped in school. I was not comfortable.. i hated exams.. i hated monthly assessments...i hated semesters.. i hated anna univ.. i hated result days. i hated the day after that even more( people start comparing marks and that drives me nuts).. I hated labs which i had to repeat. I dint like writing records.. i hated covering them with laminated brown sheets even more!.. I hate drawing lines in observations..double lines are even worse.. I hated my class counselor because she wont give me attendance when I attended NCC.I wish i had never fought with a few close friends!! I hated last minute discussions. Even in school, I had fought with my chemistry teacher and he screwed up one of my labs.. i hated rank cards.. i hated tuitions.. i hated exams.. i hated dropping out from my dance class for tenth std boards.. i hated holiday home work.. report.. "EveRy single thiNg" used to be a pain then. But now, when i think of it.. i only think of all the fun I had. I recollect all good memories and finally end up believing that i am not all that happy at present. I seem to have suffered then also.. why is it happening?
It all dawned on me.I realize what a big mistake i was making. I had not been enjoying the present. I do enjoy the present.. provided it is fun. I feel depressed at even minute failures and discomforts. I blindly compare the problems of the present with that of the past and wish i had a problem like the one i already experienced and solved. I realized that im ready to solve a problem ONLY when it is already solved because i have a solution ready and i dont have to go into the analysis phase again and waste time on it.. dumb i tell you!!.When you are not ready to face situations, you are not ready to grow up.You dont get the courage to face anything. Even solved problems will try to puzzle you. It is not easy to not stand up against the problems, but thats the least we can try to prepare ourselves for the future.. It is no fun to keep facing the same problem again. I have always felt how I wish I was still in school or college.. i used to think it was fun then.. But that would any day be the worst thing I can ask for!.
I decided to live more for the present and just be PREPARED for the future!!..